humer-istic self help?

SARCASM.
That is the way of today's world.
If ever a friend asks you, hi ______, how was your day??, the POLITE thing to do would be to say "why thank you _____for asking, my day was wonderful! well let's see I failed my test, my dog threw up on my homework," (because the eating excuse just gets lame), "and I fell head first into someone else's meatloaf, at lunch. Wasn't that nice?"
What, may I ask is wrong with simply saying "Well you know I really didn't have such a swell day. But thank you so much for your concern!"
Doesn't that sound a little less unpleasant?
All day long just a constant stream of sick, mean, antiquated humor. It makes my slightly imaginary friend, Riv, wanna puke. Obviously this is her issue not mine. Otherwise why would I be posting this in front of millions of people. No way I would share MY personal life with anyone.
But seriously, Riv, I think  you should get some advice. Maybe some unfortunate soul who stumbled upon this horrible piece of literature could help you out?