humer-istic self help?

SARCASM.
That is the way of today's world.
If ever a friend asks you, hi ______, how was your day??, the POLITE thing to do would be to say "why thank you _____for asking, my day was wonderful! well let's see I failed my test, my dog threw up on my homework," (because the eating excuse just gets lame), "and I fell head first into someone else's meatloaf, at lunch. Wasn't that nice?"
What, may I ask is wrong with simply saying "Well you know I really didn't have such a swell day. But thank you so much for your concern!"
Doesn't that sound a little less unpleasant?
All day long just a constant stream of sick, mean, antiquated humor. It makes my slightly imaginary friend, Riv, wanna puke. Obviously this is her issue not mine. Otherwise why would I be posting this in front of millions of people. No way I would share MY personal life with anyone.
But seriously, Riv, I think  you should get some advice. Maybe some unfortunate soul who stumbled upon this horrible piece of literature could help you out?

HELLO WORLD

Hello. my name is __________. Yeah, right like I would seriously tell a bunch of psycho serial killers what my actual name is. Well now that we are making friends, what's your name? Really! I'd love to know. And then you can tell me your address and social security number, because that's just how close we are. Now I know what you are thinking: who the heck does this person think she is asking for MY personal information? Well. You wanted to know mine.....,so i want to know yours. It's that simple. Got it? You want me to stay out of your life so you stay out of mine! Great! So now we're all happy and can get on with the blog!
Right. Let's start over.
Did you ever walk down the street and see something so completely disgusting that you want to puke? Now I don't just mean like a pile of dog poop or a moldy piece of fruit. I mean like, you are walking down the street and you see a lady. Yes, a lady.
With her butt-crack showing.
WHAT has this world COME to? Now. I would like to point out that if one would go to Africa and see a cute little baboon, scratching his bottom, one would say, "awwwwwww, how adorable!" But to have a plain, old, woman, in her mid forties, with her pants a quarter of the way to low.......it's kind of odd in a very disturbing way.
Now I know what my friend riv would say that that words cannot describe such a person  and that she has a serious issue. wouldn't she be embarrassed? More than that, wouldn't she be COLD?
Oh, riv you crack me up sometimes......no pun intended.........oh wow...i crack my self up too.
well that's all for now folks!
see ya! not.